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What can you do as a parent when your child
encounters a bully at school?
First, you need to discern if the situation is a minor behavior problem that is a part of growing up, such as horseplay or occasional good-natured teasing. However, if your child is being bullied, teach her to demonstrate firm but polite behavior. She should stand straight and tall and look a bully in the eye. Tell the bully, “Stop it—I don’t like it. Leave me alone.” It’s okay for her to say “no” to an unacceptable demand. Discuss how to resolve problems firmly and fairly. Also, help your child avoid situations that expose her to bullying and point out places or people that she can go to for help to report events to an adult she can trust. Let the school authorities know if there is a problem and keep a written record of incidents and who was involved. Follow up with the school and ask what action has been taken.
More about Bullying
What is bullying? A lot of young people have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it. Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending him/herself. Usually bullying happens over and over. Bullying may include . . .
· Punching, shoving and other acts that hurt people physically
· Spreading bad rumors about people
· Keeping certain people out of a “group”
· Teasing people in a mean way
· Getting certain people to “gang up” on others
Ask any child what a bully looks like, and he or she is likely to describe someone who is bigger and stronger. Yet, while bullies certainly are known for their ability to overpower others physically, mental bullying can be just as damaging to children.
When children are picked on by bullies, whether physically or mentally, many feel the need to suffer in silence for fear that speaking up will provoke further problems. But bullying is not a problem that usually just takes care of itself. Action needs to be taken.
Parents are sometimes reluctant to intervene in conflicts between children but they can teach children not to take part in—or become victims of—bullying. Children can be taught to stand up firmly and effectively.
As a caring adult, you can:
- Demonstrate firm but polite behavior. Teach children to ask for things directly and respond directly to each other. It is OK to say "no" to an unacceptable demand. Teach children to stand straight and tall if faced with a bully; look him/her straight in the eye.
- Teach social skills. Suggest ways for children to compromise or to express their feelings in a positive way. Show children how to resolve problems firmly and fairly. Be polite but firm. Tell the bully, “Stop it, I don’t like it. Leave me alone.”
- Identify potential friendship problems and correct them. Teach children how to ignore routine teasing. Not all provocative behavior must be acknowledged. Teach children the value of making new friends.
- Be a good listener. Stay calm, and give your child plenty of time to tell you how s/he feels. Don’t suggest that your child fight back. That may increase your child’s chances of further bullying.
- Don’t overreact. Ask yourself, is this serious enough to discuss with the teacher?
- Help your child avoid situations that expose him/her to bullying. If it occurs on the way to or from school, find a safe route and arrange for an older child companion. Also, point out places or people the child can go to for help and to report events to an adult s/he trusts. Expect action to be taken.
- Teach common courtesy skills. Teach children to ask nicely and to respond appropriately to polite requests.
- Identify ways to respond to bullies. Help children identify acts of aggression, bossiness or discrimination. Encourage children not to give up objects or territory to bullies. This discourages bullying behavior.
- Inform the school of events that transpired, including a date, time and place. Make certain that your child’s privacy is protected.
